Coming Home

I don't know if anyone still cares or not but I am finally coming back from my extended blog vacation. I don't quite know what happened this year to cause my first major blogger's block. But the longer I waited to post the less I seemed to have to say and the harder it was to break the silence. My old blog buddy Nancy from N. Fallon Design Studio sent me a very sweet card in the mail this week that made me realize it was time to come back home. I shot the above of the girls on the first weekend I had my brand new Lensbaby. I will be devoting an entire post to my new love later I'm sure.

It's been a pretty difficult year but I won't go into it all now. The short version is that I've been fighting the major D, which saps the will to interact with anyone right out of me. Also, one of our dearest friends is in the middle of chemo treatment. This has caused an incredible amount of stress and drama for Mike and I both, which honestly neither of us handles all that well.

I haven't been knitting much either so I don't have much to show for my time off. I finished a vest for myself that I'll post later this week. I have made some good changes too but I will go into those on another day.

I will try to check in with some of my old pals today. I really have missed the support and connections from the blog world. I know lots of you have taken breaks too. I was wondering how you got yourself back into the swing of things after an extended break? Was it just like getting back on the old bike, which ironically I actually never learned to ride in the first place...

Peace Paige

So the physical pain is mostly over from the fracture. I still have some discomfort if I move it the wrong way but I'm pretty much off all of the pain meds now. Now comes the part of my recovery which may be even more difficult for me I'm afraid. I have to keep myself from going into a major Depression from the boredom and inconvenience. I am highly susceptible to a depression this time of year even under normal conditions. The holidays are over and my craft show season is done so there is always a big letdown in January/February. Once Spring comes around I will get a pick up from the weather change and more light during the daytime.

With this situation taking me completely out of my routine for weeks of time if not months there is a big potential for a mental downturn. The only thing that I have going for me is the fact that I and my family are all on high alert for it. It is usually when I'm not expecting it and have my guard down that the worst depressions sneak up on me. In this case I'm watching for the signs and trying to stay positive as much as possible.

Mike and I both are great creatures of habit. This is one characteristic that most bonds us together. We hate change and we have our routines that we live by that helps keep us sane and balanced. The broken ankle has destroyed the routines completely. I have been sleeping on the couch every night since the fall. It is easier for me to get to the bathroom and I can slide on and off my rolling chair to get where I need to go in the house. Mike has been wanting me to use the walker more because it will help me get back more of my normal life. I got myself into bed yesterday which was a major accomplishment. I actually got emotional from the normalcy of laying in my own bed. The smells and the feeling of laying there was so sweet. It really is the little things that you miss when you can't get to them.

One of the ladies from the office came by on Friday to bring some cards and gifts and it was so nice to sit and gossip with her about the office for a few minutes. After I had told her all my stories about the fall/surgery she said, "I'm sure you don't want to hear what we talked about at the staff meeting this morning." I was like "no, please tell me." It was nice to be thinking about something from my normal life and not about my problems for a change.

I go in to see the surgeon tomorrow afternoon. He will remove the stitches and put on whatever permanent cast I will need. I'm hoping for an air cast since those can be removed and cleaned. I'm hoping that I will feel more confident and secure once I have a solid cast on my whole foot. I'd like to be able to go out to eat this week and we are going to figure out a way to get me back to work. I'm going to take this week off as there is nothing to rush back to right now. The semester started last week so the busy time is over. I need to work on getting myself out of the house, down the stairs, and into my car by myself. If this isn't going to be possible than I need to get my schedule worked out so that I can get rides from other people in the office from my area.

I have terrible balance and with the extra weight I'm carrying right now there is no way I will be able to use crutches to maneuver the steps. We rented a walker which I need to practice with and we also have the wheelchair that I can use once I get to the office. It is going to be difficult however you look at it. I really hope that my ankle is healing well and that I will be able to put weight on it in 3 or 4 weeks like he originally said would be possible if the surgery went well.

The pictures at the top are from a barn on the farm. My mom originally spray painted "congrats Angie, Sr. 89" on the barn when she graduated High School. She put "peace Paige, Sr. 91" when I graduated since I was such a flower child at the time, imagine that. There are pictures and dates for each of my other siblings as well. They are fading fast so I took a picture of them a few months ago when I was home.

A Different shade of gray

This month has been the wettest October in history for the area and the most depressing. Each day has been just a different variant of gray. Today wasn't as dreary as Monday and Tuesday but a little more dreary than Sunday, and on and on. Don't get me wrong I like a gray fall day with the bright falling leaves as much as the next but when you string them all together like we've had this year with the continuous, never ending rain it just gets to be too much.

The scarflette above is called Full Moon and it was knitted with a gray silk/wool tweed.

As a depressive I'm probably more effected by the weather on my moods than most. I have found myself pretty unmotivated to do much of anything. Knitting is even feeling like a chore to me right now, with 2 shows coming up I'm starting to feel uninspired. Work has been completely draining and when I get home I don't have the energy to do much of anything. I've been feeling like I'm totally off my blogging game to boot. I'm just going through the motions on just about every front and I know it's starting to show in my real life and here too.

All blogs have their ups and downs and I'm sure I'll get my mojo back soon enough. I had a string of good posts back before Strange Folk about preparing for craft shows. I will be doing some follow up posts about other venues and thoughts on selling crafts in person. Once things settle down at work and we have a few days of clear skies I will hopefully be able to get my thoughts together.

Thanks!

So I've been feeling a Depression coming on the past few months slowly. Nothing major just a dip in energy and general ennui. Well, I had an emotional crash this weekend. As a trained counselor I have to know when it's time to throw in the towel and bring in reinforcements. I also don't believe in hiding my problems as if they are something to be ashamed of. If I had diabetes I'd complain to you guys when things were bad so why not this disease that I've been battling for my entire adult life.

I think it's time to find a new counselor. For the past 10 years I've seen the same counselor as needed. I just call her up when I need a tune up but I think it's time for a change. We've gotten to the point in our relationship where I know exactly what she is going to say and she really has used up her resources on me. I need some fresh eyes and ears. I'm also at the point where I think I need to talk to my psychiatrist about my meds and whether or not they are doing all that they should be doing.

This blog has been so good for me and helping me to stay connected to the world. One of the first things I normally do in depression is isolate. My blog has really helped me to stay a part of the world and even when I feel like burying my head in the sand I have found encouragement from your kind words.

I want to thank the two lovely bloggers Cherry Tart Design and Tile Me Beautiful for giving me the Lovely Blog Award above this week.

Here are the rules for the award:

Here are the rules to receiving this award...
1. Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered.
3. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Please forgive me if I don't have energy to contact 15 people today. But please check out the two lovely bloggers who passed it my way, they really are some cute and creative blogs that I'll be adding to my daily rotation.